Energy

It's been a cold, rainy, dialysis Monday. I haven't had any energy at all. I don't really have much to say about today. I got to hold Bernie for awhile. He actually wouldn't let me put him down. I got to see him catch a cricket with his mouth. Though kinda gross, it was interesting how he didn't even have to look to catch it with one swoop of his tongue. Lucy lied down with me today after dialysis, which hasn't happened in a long time. I think she knew Mommy had no energy today. When I feel this way after dialysis, she tends to cling to me. It's funny, I have a dog and a lizard that will cling to me when I feel bad, but I can't find a man to cling to me when I feel good or bad. I say things all the time about how I don't believe in marriage, which I stand by. But, like all humans with a beating heart, I do long to be loved. Yes, it would take an exceptoinal man to be with me. Wheelchair, dialysis, smothering but loving Mother. Not to mention all the rest of my family. Surely there is someone out there, who could handle me. Who could deal when things get rough. I just wish he'd magically appear. It would be nice to wake up knowing there is someone out there, waking up thinking of me too. I started this post talking about having no energy, to having no man in my life. It's not something I dwell on. It's just something I need to talk about. I can't talk to my mother about it. She would rather I stay single forever. To say I have had bad luck with relationships, is a gross understatement. Again, I'm not looking for a marriage proposal, or even a whirlwind romance. I would love to have someone to talk to, spend time with, and just be myself with. Movies, dinner, theater, the Dayton Art Institute. Those are things I would love to do with a companion. I ask, dear readers. is that really too much to ask for?